The Way I Used To Be

It has been about three weeks since I first started working out and eating right. I cannot believe how easy and fun this really is. At first I thought I would never make it. The exercises were hard and they hurt. But then after about a week or so they became easier. It’s funny how life tends to be the same way, only difference is instead of pushing through the pain we just give up. When we give in like that we could have only been a minute, an hour, a day or a week from huge blessings. No instead we tuck our tail and run the opposite direction. Haven’t you ever heard the saying “Anything worth having is worth the work”? I think I understand that better now. I see things so differently and it has only begun.

I used to look at myself in the mirror with disgust. All I could see were belly rolls, tree trunk legs, big fatty arms, more junk in the trunk than any one person should ever have and a double chin (at one point triple). I have always seen myself unhappy and alone. It’s really easy to get caught up in the whole “who could love a fat girl?” syndrome, as I like to refer to it. But what I didn’t realize for many years is that the outside to everyone else in the world really is only a shell. And the fruit that they are looking for you have always had, the true you, way deep down inside yourself. How many times I cried cause I felt trapped in this ugly outside, with no way out. I felt looked over or sometimes worse nonexistent. No one should ever allow themselves to feel this way. I am a Christian woman and I know that God has a plan for me, although I have not quite figured out what it is yet. I believe very strongly in the power of prayer. But for years I would pray and when God would send me his answer I just walked away or ignored it. I became reliant on me….and well that has never gotten me anywhere good. I just didn’t see what God could possibly want with me. I was a disappointment to him or so I thought.

Then one day I looked at myself and realized he had been talking to me the whole time. He has opened up doors for me to get there. Now I have to walk through them, which I thought was scary at first. Now I notice small things. I have more energy and I am taking on the challenge for many reasons. I have some medical problems but honestly its nothing that getting healthy can’t fix. So now instead of praying that God would make my life easier to deal with, I pray he gives me the strength to fix this horrendous mess of myself that I have created.

After three weeks of working out and eating right I have lost 9 pounds and 5 inches on my hips. For those of you who have a weight problem, you can see how this is exciting to me. It has been so long since I could look at myself in the mirror and smile. I am more receptive to someone telling me that I look pretty, cause now I do. I know I have a long way to go but I know that God is in my corner and in my heart. My intentions are not vein and this is a way for me to connect with others who are dealing with the same things. I hope you understand that this is a way for me to share how I feel. This in no way is a well thought out writing of any kind. I just want to be real with you. So please pray for me on my journey into my new life. As I will be praying for you too. I’ll see you again soon. God Bless You.